ianto is so funny, hmmm let me think. (actully i didn't think, i went to a website!)
Ianto: It's all over.
Owen: [pauses] Let's all have sex.
Ianto: [deadpan] And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse.
Ianto: "Just us, in this room, as long as it takes". Terrifying.
Jack: Really?
Ianto: Absolutely, shivers down my spine.
Jack: You don't look scared.
Ianto: Oh, it...passed.
Jack: [growls]
John: I think I'm starting to see what he likes about this place. She's beautiful, he's stunning...
Gwen: Don't you ever stop?
John: What? Five minutes to live, you want me to behave? Oh, that's gorgeous.
Gwen: That's a poodle.
John: It's nice!
Gwen: Excuse me, have you seen a blowfish driving a sports car?
[Old Woman points in the direction in which Torchwood are heading]
Gwen: [serious] Thank you. [driving away]
Old Woman: Bloody Torchwood.
Jack: Under any other circumstances, an exuberant Roman soldier would be my idea of a perfect morning.
[Talking to a Weevil.]
Jack: Okay Janet, time for a trip out.
Tosh: You call it Janet?
Jack: Barbara just never seemed right
Emma: How much food money do I have left?
Ianto: £15.40.
(After hearing that, Emma immediately grabs various confectionery items)
Ianto: £12.10. You'll ruin your teeth.
Emma: You sound like my mum.
Diane: How did it do that?
Ianto: It’s automatic. It knows you’re there. There are wave-bouncing detectors which emit high-frequency radio waves…
Diane: Ooh look, bananas!
Ianto: Of course, bananas are far more interesting.
Co-worker: I've signed the card for Eugene.
Gary: [reading] "Good luck in your new job". He's bloody dead!
Ianto: [after Gwen performs her first successful resurrection.] Amazing. She's a natural - 24 seconds.
Owen: Give Ianto a stopwatch and he's happy.
Ianto: It's the button on the top.
Owen: [re: the Resurrection Gauntlet.] You know, we never gave it a cool name.
Tosh: I thought we called it "the Resurrection Gauntlet".
Owen: A cool name.
Ianto: What about... the Risen Mitten?
[Jack raises his eyebrows and Owen rolls his eyes despairingly.]
Ianto: I think it's catchy.
Jack: That one's for Ianto. Risen Mitten, Life Knife, and that old classic...Stun Gun.
Owen: I hate the countryside. It's dirty, it's unhygienic. And what is that smell?
Gwen: That would be grass.
Owen: It's disgusting.
okay i'll stop now and let others have some fun
